THE AGE-OLD BATTLE: TOENAIL CLIPPINGS

Do you clip your toenails? Pop the cap off beer bottles? Wipe up spilt ketchup with a paper towel?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then you are a human being. If you answer “yes” to any of the following questions, then you are a pig.

Do you leave your toenail clippings on the couch? Do you leave the bottle cap on the counter (or table, or floor, or edge of the bathtub)? Do you believe spilt ketchup is best cleaned by the dog? If you miss the garbage while trying to dispose of a paper towel, do you leave it for the hand of god to pick up and throw away?

Cleaning house is an age-old battle, though admittedly the division of labor in that arena was not equitable until recent history. Even now, many women, or men, will claim to be responsible for the brunt of the cleaning, whether they want that role or not. But, regardless of who gets the short end of the cleaning stick, neither person should go out their way to litter, smear, or stink up the place. Controlling your impact on your environment should be innate. If the birds can master this concept, so can you. In other words, if birds don’t shit in their nest, why are you?

Perhaps you are not the “you” to whom I am referring. For your partner’s sake, I hope not.  But if you leave your underwear on the floor next to the hamper, if you leave a trail of sunflower seeds up the stairs, if you let latte containers rot in your car . . . then, yeah, I’m talkin’ to you.

But who am I to talk? I’m not perfect. I’m argumentative, stubborn, I love crappy tv, and . . . I’m no obsessive cleaner. I hate cleaning. I’m considering collecting refundable cans and bottles from the ditches in order to make money so I can hire someone to clean while I read or write or play with my child or do anything other than scrub splatters of unknown origin.

Yet I’m also not willing to live in squalor. Are you? If not, are you picking up your own refuse?  I’m only asking because I’m worried . . .

Ponder this. If someone in your neighborhood is making voodoo dolls, you don’t want to leave toenails or spitty sunflowers lying about. That’s just straight up dangerous behavior.